Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
10 Ways to Stop Overthinking and Start Living
“Thinking has, many a time, made me sad, darling; but doing never did in all my life….My precept is, do something, my sister, do good if you can; but at any rate, do something.” ~Elizabeth Gaskell
Problems. We all face them.
Some are frivolous; some are life changing. Some force us to draw from within us our greatest mental potential. Many cause nothing more than stress.
Whatever issues life presents us, whether small or big, we think about them.
We think about what to do, what not to do, and what would be “best” for us and for everyone around us.
But how often do we think about our thinking? When do we stop to question why we over-think, whether it’s productive, and how to overcome it?
The first time a true bout of over-thinking grappled me was when I graduated from college.
For many, this time comes as a quarter-life crisis, and the event often repeats itself later in life. It’s the time to decide what we will do with our lives, and what careers we will pursue.
We want to make a true difference, help society, and live well. Although acquiring a comfortable desk job may be easier, it doesn’t have such a gripping appeal.
And so begins a rare human trait that we would surely benefit from evolving out of: rumination.
Sleepless nights came more regularly than I ever could have predicted. Confusion was my norm. Indecisiveness became expected. Uncertainty was my only certainty.
Fortunately, however, I didn’t drive myself nuts (or so I believe). Underlying the distress was an organic curiosity, and this led me to question my approach. What I came to learn truly changed my life.
I managed to collate a number of strategies for effectively reducing over-thinking. Below are some of my favorite simple and easy-to-implement insights and strategies:
1. Remember that over-thinking does not lead to insight.
You want an understanding of which decision will be best. For this, you need a level of insight into what each decision will lead to. Thinking this through, however, is futile.
Why? Because you never, ever know what something will be like until you experience it.
School, college, moving home, getting married, ending a relationship, changing career paths. However much you imagine what these change will be like, you will be surprised by what you discover when you actually engage in these activities.
Knowing this, you can move forward with a true understanding of what would be best. Acting, therefore, leads to clarity. Thought doesn’t.
2. Know that your decision will never be final.
Over-thinking often comes from the notion that you will make a grand finale decision that will never change and must be correct.
It won’t happen. And that’s a good thing. If you could predict with complete accuracy the entirety of your future, would you want to experience it?
To me, that removes all the spice of life. You must be aware that however much critical thinking you apply to a decision, you may be wrong.
Being comfortable with being wrong, and knowing that your opinions and knowledge of a situation will change with time, brings a sense of true inner freedom and peace.
3. Learn the reasons why over-thinking is harmful, and let it motivate you.
Studies have shown rumination to be strongly linked to depression, anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking, and self-harm.
In one study, 32,827 people from 172 countries showed that life events were the largest predictors of stress, followed by family history, income and education, relationship status, and social inclusion.
However, the study also showed that stress only occurred if the individual engaged in negative over-thinking about the events, and it showed that people who did not do this did not become as stressed or depressed, “even if they’d experienced many negative events in their lives.”
So, worry about your problems if you wish. But don’t say no one warned you!
4. Keep active throughout the day, and tire the body out.
Do you want to know one of the main reasons you over-think?
It’s because you have the time to.
Not one day can be fruitful if more time than necessary is allowed for aimless thinking. A mind rests well at night knowing its day has been directed toward worthy goals.
So consider daily exercise—any physical activity that raises heart rate and improves health.
Walking is exercise. Sports, Pilates, and playing with the dog are too. It doesn’t have to be training for the next Olympics. Just get moving, and get tired.
5. Become the ultimate skeptic.
If you think about what causes thinking to be so stressful and tiring, it’s often our personal convictions that our thoughts are actually true.
Let’s look at an example.
If someone you know does something you consider hurtful, but you don’t discuss the issue with the person, negativity can arise with certain thoughts about why the person acted that way.
But once you can pinpoint which thoughts are causing the upset, one golden question will release all negativity:
“Can I be 100 percent sure this is true?”
By seeing the inherent lack of truth in your beliefs, you will naturally find yourself much more relaxed in all situations, and you won’t over-think things that are based on predictions and assumptions.
6. Seek social support, but don’t vent.
Better than confining your decisions to your own biases, perspectives, and mental filters, commit to seeking support from loved ones.
Research has long shown the powerful impact of social support in the reduction of stress.
But even better than that is getting a fresh, new angle on the topic.
For me, this has always—on every occasion—led me to learn something I had never considered before. This is how you grow, emotionally and spiritually.
7. Develop the skill of forgiveness.
It’s no surprise that having the misfortune of being treated undesirably leads people to suppress and repress anger toward other people.
Forgiveness is of the highest of human virtues. Not because it is morally correct, spiritually mature, or deemed a commendable personality trait.
It’s special because it, single-handedly, can induce the ultimate peace in people.
Forgiveness has also been shown on many occasions to help develop positive self-esteem, improve mood, and dramatically improve health. It’s a predictor of relationship well-being and marital length, and it has even been shown to increase longevity.
8. Plan for conscious distraction.
When do you ruminate the most? Have you ever thought about it? For me, I ruminated at night.
When you know the time of day rumination will begin, you can plan to remove that spare time with an activity that engages your full faculties.
It could be Sudoku, a board game with family, a meal out, yoga, or writing letters of gratitude to long-unseen friends.
A note of warning: there is some research to suggest that doing this with negatively reinforcing behaviors, such as toxic eating patterns, can lead to harmful long-term results.
Therefore, be picky about what you distract yourself with, and make sure it fosters positive emotion and psychological wellbeing.
9. Solve another person’s problem first, and get perspective.
“Serve first, seek second” should be the motto for anyone currently distressed by their perceived problems.
Your issue at hand can become so consuming that others may look at you like you’re living in your own mental world. And it takes something to break you out of it.
Helping others puts your issues in order by reminding you that we all go through tough times, some much more than you ever will.
That’s not to discount the struggles you’re going through, but helping others will restore balance and harmony in your life.
10. Remember that a perfect decision is never a bold one, so get started.
When your final years are approaching, you will not worry about how well you thought through your decisions, or how thoroughly and accurately you approached life’s forks in the road.
You will rest happily knowing you lived true to yourself, acted with confidence, and stood up for what you believed in.
So don’t worry about the perfection of your decisions. Be swift to move forward, even if it is in the wrong direction. Boldness is respectable; carefulness has never changed the world.
Problems. We all face them.
Some are frivolous; some are life changing. Some force us to draw from within us our greatest mental potential. Many cause nothing more than stress.
Whatever issues life presents us, whether small or big, we think about them.
We think about what to do, what not to do, and what would be “best” for us and for everyone around us.
But how often do we think about our thinking? When do we stop to question why we over-think, whether it’s productive, and how to overcome it?
The first time a true bout of over-thinking grappled me was when I graduated from college.
For many, this time comes as a quarter-life crisis, and the event often repeats itself later in life. It’s the time to decide what we will do with our lives, and what careers we will pursue.
We want to make a true difference, help society, and live well. Although acquiring a comfortable desk job may be easier, it doesn’t have such a gripping appeal.
And so begins a rare human trait that we would surely benefit from evolving out of: rumination.
Sleepless nights came more regularly than I ever could have predicted. Confusion was my norm. Indecisiveness became expected. Uncertainty was my only certainty.
Fortunately, however, I didn’t drive myself nuts (or so I believe). Underlying the distress was an organic curiosity, and this led me to question my approach. What I came to learn truly changed my life.
I managed to collate a number of strategies for effectively reducing over-thinking. Below are some of my favorite simple and easy-to-implement insights and strategies:
1. Remember that over-thinking does not lead to insight.
You want an understanding of which decision will be best. For this, you need a level of insight into what each decision will lead to. Thinking this through, however, is futile.
Why? Because you never, ever know what something will be like until you experience it.
School, college, moving home, getting married, ending a relationship, changing career paths. However much you imagine what these change will be like, you will be surprised by what you discover when you actually engage in these activities.
Knowing this, you can move forward with a true understanding of what would be best. Acting, therefore, leads to clarity. Thought doesn’t.
2. Know that your decision will never be final.
Over-thinking often comes from the notion that you will make a grand finale decision that will never change and must be correct.
It won’t happen. And that’s a good thing. If you could predict with complete accuracy the entirety of your future, would you want to experience it?
To me, that removes all the spice of life. You must be aware that however much critical thinking you apply to a decision, you may be wrong.
Being comfortable with being wrong, and knowing that your opinions and knowledge of a situation will change with time, brings a sense of true inner freedom and peace.
3. Learn the reasons why over-thinking is harmful, and let it motivate you.
Studies have shown rumination to be strongly linked to depression, anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking, and self-harm.
In one study, 32,827 people from 172 countries showed that life events were the largest predictors of stress, followed by family history, income and education, relationship status, and social inclusion.
However, the study also showed that stress only occurred if the individual engaged in negative over-thinking about the events, and it showed that people who did not do this did not become as stressed or depressed, “even if they’d experienced many negative events in their lives.”
So, worry about your problems if you wish. But don’t say no one warned you!
4. Keep active throughout the day, and tire the body out.
Do you want to know one of the main reasons you over-think?
It’s because you have the time to.
Not one day can be fruitful if more time than necessary is allowed for aimless thinking. A mind rests well at night knowing its day has been directed toward worthy goals.
So consider daily exercise—any physical activity that raises heart rate and improves health.
Walking is exercise. Sports, Pilates, and playing with the dog are too. It doesn’t have to be training for the next Olympics. Just get moving, and get tired.
5. Become the ultimate skeptic.
If you think about what causes thinking to be so stressful and tiring, it’s often our personal convictions that our thoughts are actually true.
Let’s look at an example.
If someone you know does something you consider hurtful, but you don’t discuss the issue with the person, negativity can arise with certain thoughts about why the person acted that way.
But once you can pinpoint which thoughts are causing the upset, one golden question will release all negativity:
“Can I be 100 percent sure this is true?”
By seeing the inherent lack of truth in your beliefs, you will naturally find yourself much more relaxed in all situations, and you won’t over-think things that are based on predictions and assumptions.
6. Seek social support, but don’t vent.
Better than confining your decisions to your own biases, perspectives, and mental filters, commit to seeking support from loved ones.
Research has long shown the powerful impact of social support in the reduction of stress.
But even better than that is getting a fresh, new angle on the topic.
For me, this has always—on every occasion—led me to learn something I had never considered before. This is how you grow, emotionally and spiritually.
7. Develop the skill of forgiveness.
It’s no surprise that having the misfortune of being treated undesirably leads people to suppress and repress anger toward other people.
Forgiveness is of the highest of human virtues. Not because it is morally correct, spiritually mature, or deemed a commendable personality trait.
It’s special because it, single-handedly, can induce the ultimate peace in people.
Forgiveness has also been shown on many occasions to help develop positive self-esteem, improve mood, and dramatically improve health. It’s a predictor of relationship well-being and marital length, and it has even been shown to increase longevity.
8. Plan for conscious distraction.
When do you ruminate the most? Have you ever thought about it? For me, I ruminated at night.
When you know the time of day rumination will begin, you can plan to remove that spare time with an activity that engages your full faculties.
It could be Sudoku, a board game with family, a meal out, yoga, or writing letters of gratitude to long-unseen friends.
A note of warning: there is some research to suggest that doing this with negatively reinforcing behaviors, such as toxic eating patterns, can lead to harmful long-term results.
Therefore, be picky about what you distract yourself with, and make sure it fosters positive emotion and psychological wellbeing.
9. Solve another person’s problem first, and get perspective.
“Serve first, seek second” should be the motto for anyone currently distressed by their perceived problems.
Your issue at hand can become so consuming that others may look at you like you’re living in your own mental world. And it takes something to break you out of it.
Helping others puts your issues in order by reminding you that we all go through tough times, some much more than you ever will.
That’s not to discount the struggles you’re going through, but helping others will restore balance and harmony in your life.
10. Remember that a perfect decision is never a bold one, so get started.
When your final years are approaching, you will not worry about how well you thought through your decisions, or how thoroughly and accurately you approached life’s forks in the road.
You will rest happily knowing you lived true to yourself, acted with confidence, and stood up for what you believed in.
So don’t worry about the perfection of your decisions. Be swift to move forward, even if it is in the wrong direction. Boldness is respectable; carefulness has never changed the world.
Source: tinybuddha.com | Thinking man image via Shutterstock
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do
Check out these things that mentally strong people don't do so that you too can become more mentally strong.
1. They Don't Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don't sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn't always easy or fair.
2. They Don't Give Away Their Power
They don't allow others to control them, and they don't give someone else power over them. They don't say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don't Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don't try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don't Waste Energy on Things
They Can't Control You won't hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They Don't Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don't need to please everyone all the time. They're not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn't make them happy.
6. They Don't Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don't take reckless or foolish risks, but don't mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they're fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They Don't Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don't waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they've learned from it. However, they don't constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don't Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don't keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They Don't Resent Other People's Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people's success in life. They don't grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don't Give Up After the First Failure
Mentally strong people don't view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don't Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don't fear silence. They aren't afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren't dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don't Feel the World Owes Them Anything
Mentally strong people don't feel entitled to things in life. They weren't born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They Don't Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don't expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
Monday, February 23, 2015
4 Motivational Oscars Quotes From 2015
LOS ANGELES — "Stay weird, stay different," proclaimed The Imitation Game writer after winning Best Adapted Screenplay, thanking presenter Oprah Winfrey and telling world that he tried to commit suicide when he was 16 because he felt like he didn't belong.
It was among the many poignant moments Sunday night amid the glitz and glamour that stood out for many people watching at home and at Dolby Theater.
Below, you'll find inspiring moments from onstage and backstage, where Mashable was hiding out in the winners' room to bring you the best quotes unheard by the TV viewers.
1. Graham Moore goes from suicide attempt to Oscar
Onstage: "When I was 16 years old, I tried to kill myself because I felt weird and I felt different and I felt like I did not belong. And now I'm standing here and so I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she's weird or she's different or she doesn't fit in anywhere. Yes, you do. I promise you do. You do. Stay weird, stay different. And then when it's your turn and you're standing on this stage, please pass the same message to the next person who comes along."
Backstage: "This was my 45 seconds to be on television and say something and I might as well say something meaningful." ~ Best Adapted Screenplay winner Graham Moore of The Imitation Game
2. Patricia Arquette stands up for wage equality
Onstage: "To every woman who gave birth, to every taxpayer and citizen of this nation, we have fought for everybody else’s equal rights. It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the United States of America."
Backstage: "It is time for women. Equal means equal. And the truth is, the older women get, the less money they make. The more children ‑‑ the highest percentage of children living in poverty are female‑headed households. And it's inexcusable that we go around the world and we talk about equal rights for women in other countries and we don't ‑‑ one of those Superior Court justices said two years ago in a ‑‑ in a law speech at a university, We don't have equal rights for women in America and we don't because when they wrote the Constitution, they didn't intend it for women. So, the truth is, even though we sort of feel like we have equal rights in America, right under the surface, there are huge issues that are applied that really do affect women. And it's time for all the women in America and all the men that love women, and all the gay people, and all the people of color that we've all fought for to fight for us now." ~ Best Supporting Actress winner Patricia Arquette of Boyhood.
Onstage: "There are more black men under correctional control than there were under slavery in 1850," Legend said. "When people are marching with our song, we want to tell you we see you, we love you and march on." ~ Best Original Song winner John Legend of Selma
Backstage: "Like beyond what we have done on this song, John has always made music about love. He's been doing things for education for a long time. He stands up for issues. Him and his wife send trucks to people that were protesting, food trucks to people that were protesting in New York to support them. Those are the things that I feel like we can do as people in a position of power and influence. So yes, I feel it's our duty. And I don't hold any other artists accountable, but it's our duty, if you recognize that, to do it." ~ Best Original Song winner Common of Selma
Onstage: "And if I may, call your mom, everybody. I’ve told this [to], like, a billion people, or so. Call your mom, call your dad. If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call ‘em. Don’t text. Don’t email. Call them on the phone. Tell ‘em you love ‘em, and thank them, and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you. Thank you. Thank you, Mom and Dad."
Backstage: "You know, I read a very romantic book when I was young, when I was in college, Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet, and I've always felt that, you know, if you are in any kind of an artistic, creative endeavor and you feel that there's something else you could do for a living and be happy, I think you should do something else because you are much more likely to find comfort and happiness. And if you can look deeply within yourself and honestly answer that there is nothing else that will bring you satisfaction, then there's your answer." ~ Best Supporting Actor winner J.K. Simmons of Whiplash
